Snakes on a Plane
Last night, I saw Snakes on a Plane. Generally, I freak out if people talk during movies, laugh loudly during movies, eat during movies. I like my movies like I like my libraries... silent. But last night, I broke the cardinal rule of moviegoing because Snakes on a Plane is retarded. If you were going to this movie so that you could sit quietly while you reflected upon a post 9/11 world, I'm sorry. Last night, I yelled a lot of things at the movie and got some laughs. I also yelled some stuff that fell flat on it's face. So I decided I'd throw a little guide together to help you better disrupt the film Snakes on a Plane.
A Step By Step Guide On How To Yell Things Out During The Film
1. Eat your dick at the Vault because the Vault sucks and there is a lot of dick-eating that goes on in the place.
2. Gather up a group of a dozen or so of the top comics in Boston and be convinced that going to see Snakes on a Plane with said comedians is a better idea that going home and sleeping.
2a. don't go up to the box office and say i want to see the one about the plane. you know what i'm talking about because you will end up sitting through world trade center and you can't really yell anything out like "watch out" during that one.
3. Start early. You gotta test the waters. Start yelling stuff during the commercials that play before the trailers and then yell stuff during the trailers before the movie. This way you know if people start yelling "Shut the fuck up" or "I'm gonna kick your ass if you keep yelling," then it's time to not yell stuff. If nobody says anything or tells the theater staff, you're pretty golden.
4. Start a loud round of applause during the title sequence.
5. Now, here's the most important part. Snakes on a Plane is one of the most unintentionally funny movies ever. Whatever joke you have is not going to get a bigger laugh then a snake biting a guy in the crouch. Pace yourselves. Only spit gold.
6. There is a very hairy, ugly baby in the movie. Yelling "Snake eat that baby" once is funny. I learned the hard way that it just gets creepy when you yell fifteen times. Such is life.
7. after THE line (you know which line... it's got two motherfuckers, snakes, and a plane in it), don't yell "Let's Roll." It's still too soon.
8. Yell more stuff.
9. When the movie is finished, stand in front of the theater in a giant circle, and block any foot traffic. Then when some decides to take a picture, get in a human pyramid.
A Step By Step Guide On How To Yell Things Out During The Film
1. Eat your dick at the Vault because the Vault sucks and there is a lot of dick-eating that goes on in the place.
2. Gather up a group of a dozen or so of the top comics in Boston and be convinced that going to see Snakes on a Plane with said comedians is a better idea that going home and sleeping.
2a. don't go up to the box office and say i want to see the one about the plane. you know what i'm talking about because you will end up sitting through world trade center and you can't really yell anything out like "watch out" during that one.
3. Start early. You gotta test the waters. Start yelling stuff during the commercials that play before the trailers and then yell stuff during the trailers before the movie. This way you know if people start yelling "Shut the fuck up" or "I'm gonna kick your ass if you keep yelling," then it's time to not yell stuff. If nobody says anything or tells the theater staff, you're pretty golden.
4. Start a loud round of applause during the title sequence.
5. Now, here's the most important part. Snakes on a Plane is one of the most unintentionally funny movies ever. Whatever joke you have is not going to get a bigger laugh then a snake biting a guy in the crouch. Pace yourselves. Only spit gold.
6. There is a very hairy, ugly baby in the movie. Yelling "Snake eat that baby" once is funny. I learned the hard way that it just gets creepy when you yell fifteen times. Such is life.
7. after THE line (you know which line... it's got two motherfuckers, snakes, and a plane in it), don't yell "Let's Roll." It's still too soon.
8. Yell more stuff.
9. When the movie is finished, stand in front of the theater in a giant circle, and block any foot traffic. Then when some decides to take a picture, get in a human pyramid.
