Comedy Contest in Quincy
Comedy Contest in Quincy
As reported by Billy
Quincy, MA- The varsity Club, a quaint little bar on Independence Ave, was turned into the Sodomy Society on Wends. night as nine comics, one host, and a booker were figuratively raped by an unapologetically apathetic audience that was as uncaring as it was inattentive. Comedian Sean Sullivan described the situation onstage as being "more awkward than the time my uncle raped me."
The night got off to a bad start when booker Steve Leach, a most gentlemanly fellow, who had planned a prompt 9 o'clock start for his $50 Comedy Contest, was told by the owner of the bar, one Mr. Giant-Jackass-Who-Watched-Last-Comic-Standing-And-Decided-To-Cash-In-On-The-General-Public's-Newfound-Love-Of-Comedy-And-Also-Contests-Containing-Comedy, decreed that the show could start but that the volume of the baseball game would stay at full. As the comics waited for the Red Sox to finish floundering, it would seem that each comic individually decided that this was going to a comic slaughterhouse and that each comic would rather act as a Kamikaze pilot and bring the entire room down with them.
As Meathead Nation filled the bar, the muscleheads and their plastic girlfriends could not be bothered to stop looking in the mirror in order to focus on the nine comics, who were all about to be executed.
As the room began to smell of herpes, silicone, and creatin, Mike Whittman took the mic and immediately began sniping at a crowd that wouldn't listen. Mike established a hostile relationship from the onset. It must be reiterated that the comics at this show would have had an easier time performing standup comedy at the Nuremburg Trials.
Broken but not beaten, each comic did their 8-10 mins, though not exactly as they may have originally intended. Anthony Spencer repeated the Hail Mary over and over again for 5 mins to the delight of the three cognizant audience members. Sean Sullivan started immediately stripping away his clothes, leaving only his wife beater and jeans, which would have been removed if he would have remembered whether his boxer shorts had a button on the front.
The show came to a close and Owen Bowness, a comic who describes himself as "Mel Gibson with AIDS" was announced the victor. The tone among the comics was funereal to say the least, as each mourned their dignity and nursed their bleeding anuses from the raping that just occurred.
Billy is a nine year old roaming reporter for the imaginary press
As reported by Billy
Quincy, MA- The varsity Club, a quaint little bar on Independence Ave, was turned into the Sodomy Society on Wends. night as nine comics, one host, and a booker were figuratively raped by an unapologetically apathetic audience that was as uncaring as it was inattentive. Comedian Sean Sullivan described the situation onstage as being "more awkward than the time my uncle raped me."
The night got off to a bad start when booker Steve Leach, a most gentlemanly fellow, who had planned a prompt 9 o'clock start for his $50 Comedy Contest, was told by the owner of the bar, one Mr. Giant-Jackass-Who-Watched-Last-Comic-Standing-And-Decided-To-Cash-In-On-The-General-Public's-Newfound-Love-Of-Comedy-And-Also-Contests-Containing-Comedy, decreed that the show could start but that the volume of the baseball game would stay at full. As the comics waited for the Red Sox to finish floundering, it would seem that each comic individually decided that this was going to a comic slaughterhouse and that each comic would rather act as a Kamikaze pilot and bring the entire room down with them.
As Meathead Nation filled the bar, the muscleheads and their plastic girlfriends could not be bothered to stop looking in the mirror in order to focus on the nine comics, who were all about to be executed.
As the room began to smell of herpes, silicone, and creatin, Mike Whittman took the mic and immediately began sniping at a crowd that wouldn't listen. Mike established a hostile relationship from the onset. It must be reiterated that the comics at this show would have had an easier time performing standup comedy at the Nuremburg Trials.
Broken but not beaten, each comic did their 8-10 mins, though not exactly as they may have originally intended. Anthony Spencer repeated the Hail Mary over and over again for 5 mins to the delight of the three cognizant audience members. Sean Sullivan started immediately stripping away his clothes, leaving only his wife beater and jeans, which would have been removed if he would have remembered whether his boxer shorts had a button on the front.
The show came to a close and Owen Bowness, a comic who describes himself as "Mel Gibson with AIDS" was announced the victor. The tone among the comics was funereal to say the least, as each mourned their dignity and nursed their bleeding anuses from the raping that just occurred.
Billy is a nine year old roaming reporter for the imaginary press
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