Update

All right. I get it. I don't update very often. I'm busy. Very busy. "Wait a sec, you can't possibly be busy!" Oh yeah? Well, tell that to my Palm Pilot. "Oh. You have a Palm Pilot. Nevermind. Only busy people have Palm Pilots. My bad." Your bad indeed.

I'll save the jokes for a minute but I won't save the excuses. I'm gonna spend them all right now. Here are the reasons I'm busy.

1. School. I'm taking four classes (costume design, a playwrighting class that meets once a week, a honors class pass/fail, and an independent study). It's not a very heavy workload but all that time in New York made me forget how to be a student so it takes twice as much time to get anything done.

2. I'm looking for a job. This will soon disappear because the Amherst Pelham Regional School District is about to get their newest substitute teacher in the form of: me! That's right. Hopefully, substitute teaching will give me plenty of time to do all the work I've been slowly getting down from bullet number one.

3. I've hooked up with a comic named Elisha Yaffee and his merry group of friends at Joke Mountain (my bio and video are coming as soon as I quite being lazy), in an effort to create some sort of comedy scene while Elisha and myself are stuck in Amherst. We're currently working on a show we've got set for Wenedsday February 23rd 10PM at the Pub in Amherst Center. Me and Elisha will be sharing hosting duties and a bunch of local funny people and Seangeorge (who is not very funny but lives in my house and was like cry cry boo hoo until I put him on the show). Please come to this show because if you do, we'll be able to waste two hours of your time on a weekly basis.

4. Annoying Sean Grealish. There? Are you happy? I shouted you out on the internet. Now get back in the attic and do your calculus.

Come to the Pub on the 23rd, go to www.Jokemountain.com, buy me a cake, and stop crying.

I left the following messages for Michael Salamone who is too important to respond...

SeanS272: the math that you do with letters is incredible
SeanS272: i can't find my shoe
SeanS272: if a unicorn is a mythical creature, why do they arouse me so much? SeanS272: i just ate a bug
SeanS272: i have a vegatable garden
SeanS272: when i was 12, my mom punched me in the face for smoking cloves
SeanS272: i got kicked out of the military for farting the national anthem SeanS272: m.c. hammer said "it" best
SeanS272: one of these days, the sun is going to die and it's gonna be a long ass line at the wake

Bright Eyes? More like Bright I-wish-I-was-that- good

Spurred on by my attempts to be a better waste of your time than www.stephenwilkinson.net, I will also be providing you with a review of the Bright Eyes concert I attended on January 20something at some old building at Harvard.

We missed Tilly and the Wall. I wasn't too upset because do you know what we were doing during Tilly and the Wall? That's right! Eating pizza! Pizza is awesome! (stay tuned for a future review of the pizza I ate during Tilly and the Wall)

We walked across campus and I saw the spot where John Harvard died. Well, I saw the spot where I think John Harvard died. Well, I saw a spot. Apparently it takes more than just walking around the Harvard campus at night to become a functioning adult instead of a rambling idiot.

We walked into the venue just as Tilly and the Wall were finishing and just as I was beginning my digestion of the truly rockin pizza I had just finished. We immediately noticed that there was a merch table set up. Steve immediately whipped out his wallet and started throwing Franklins around like confetti but I stopped him and explained that if we waited till tomorrow, we could buy the new Bright Eyes' cds at a corporate retail outfit for a lot cheaper. This way we could continue to not directly support the artists and also help fund terrorism. Steve smiled and drooled and we took our seats.

Wait a second. Did I just say seats? I meant to say pews cause they were definitely pews. And honestly, I can't think of a more appropriate seating arrangement when you're about to have a truly rockin religious experience while listening to a skinny kid from Nebraska than to sit in some almighty rock and roll pews.

But before Father Bright Eyes began his sermon, we had to sit through the sonic swill of CocoRosie. Imagine if you will, two French chicks on a stage. One of them can sing like an opera singer and play the piano and guitar and harp. The other sounds like she's gargling razor blades. Now imagine that they are almost identical and then go watch a monkey try and fuck a football because that's what listening to CocoRosie was like. I don't care how French you are... you cannot play children's toys into a microphone. And amazingly enough, they also had an untalented black rap guy who was also very French. I didn't know France had black people let alone a rapper with leanings toward the PoMo.

After CocoRosie put their toys away, Bright Eyes came out and then Bright Eyes' band came out. Immediately people started shouting "I love you Connor" "Take your shirt off, Connor" and "I agree with your views on the North Atlantic Trade Organization, Connor." Who is Connor? I don't know about those people but I was at a Bright Eyes concert, not a Connor concert but that's Harvard for ya.

Bright Eyes played awesomely. So awesome. And the best part about the whole show were the two sets of fruits on either side of Steve and myself. On Steve's left were a couple where the lady part of the couple was dressed like a flapper and the guy part was a guy in a suit. How indie. On my right, were the only two guys in the entire audience less hip than Steve and myself. The guy right next to me rocked out all night but it looked like his neck was spasming. Also, he sang most of the songs. Well... I should point out that he wasn't really singing so much as making noise because to call what he was doing singing would be an insult to singing people. So for every song it was the guy to my right and Bright Eyes on lead vocals.

But the best quote of the night came from the guy sitting to the right of the guy sitting to my right. This guy was clueless. He had no idea what was going on and I think he was trying to impress the guy sitting to my right (it is Cambridge after all) and after Bright Eyes finished playing some song, the guy two guys down said, "That's my favorite song. I love that song. Which album is it on?" and then the uber Bright Eyes fan in the Oxford shirt and pleated khakis to my right responded with, "It's on the new album." "Oh. I haven't heard that one before." YOU CAN'T SAY THAT A SONG IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG AND THAT YOU WERE GLAD BRIGHT EYES PLAYED IT, IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD THE SONG BEFORE!

But besides these two rejects, Bright Eyes killed us with rock and roll. If the old theater at Harvard had been a crime scene, the investigators would have been ankle deep in blood- that's how good it was.

So suck on that, www.stephenwilkinson.net. I hate you.

Love,
Sean

The Womb is dying...

You know your car is in rough shape when the mechanic, who makes his livelihood convincing people to let him fix their cars, suggests that you junk it.

Apparently, the computer inside my car is dying which is odd because I didn't even know cars had computers. I thought the only car that had a computer in it was Knight Rider's but apparently Ford started installing computer in 1990 Ford Tempos, as well. Only difference is that instead of the polite, faux-British stylings of William Daniels, my K.I.T.T. is retarded.