Exclusive...

I'm about to drop the motherload of all exclusive bombs www.stephenwilkinson.net! You snooze, you lose, jerk! Just wait for it...

So I spent the week at the Registry of Motor Vehicles (and that's not hyperbole or whatever hyperbole is- I literally spent the week there), which sucks because it's the Registry and it's even worse when they call you up and say, "Hey! If you don't come down to the RMV today, you're going to be fired!" (You see what I did there? While you were looking up, I stabbed you in the gullet.)

My summer vacation is over. Apparently, I should have gone the route of all my other friends from home and either gone to grad school or not graduated on time. Either way, it's a life of work that I have to look forward to and I'm not particularly looking forward to it.

So Wednesday night, I'm bored but I don't want to do anything crazy because I have to get up at 7:30 to go to work which sucks. So I says to Steve, "Hey, Steve. Let's play baseball." And he's all like, "Cry cry boo hoo. I want to read comics. Drive me to the comic store, slave." It being Wednesday and new comic day, I accepted his proposal and drove him to Newbury Comics. But when I got to his house, Mini-Steve or Lil Wilkinson wanted to come but guess what? He was wearing socks and sandals! I'm not letting a guy wearing socks and sandals into my car! No fucking way!

So Lil Steve or Mini-Wilkinson goes and puts his face on and twenty mins later, we're off to Newbury Comics. When we get there, I pick up the two books I want and then we wander around aimlessly for an hour in the store. Lil Mini Steve Wilkinson decides to purchase the MC5's greatest hits, without ever hearing it because Rage Against the Machine likes the MC5. Then he starts telling me how System of a Down isn't nearly political enough and I think something popped in my brain because my nose started to bleed at what I decided was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. Really? System of a Down isn't political enough? For shame, Wilkinson, Steve, Mini-, Lil.

So there I stood with my two comics and a copy of Blender, and there Steve's brother stood with his copy of the MC5's greatest hits, but where did Steve stand? I know. Over in the corner, seriously debating about buying a used Showgirls VIP Limited Edition DVD Box Set. And who could blame him? For 20 dollars, he could all of the following, used:

• Six photo cards with party games
• Deck of Showgirls playing cards
• "Pin the Pasties on the Showgirl" game with pasties and blindfold
• Set of Showgirls shot glasses

And most importantly of all....

• THE MOVIE SHOWGIRLS ON DVD!!!

This, my friends, is a difficult decision. Sure, it's a great deal. All that stuff for 20 bucks. But on the other hand, if you buy it, you'll own Showgirls on Dvd. Decisions, decisions.

But he went ahead with it anyway and bought it. And after some less awkward than I had hoped for banter about missing nipple tassles with the clerk, we were off. Now, here's where my story ends. I dropped the Brothers Wilkinson off and Steve faced a dillemma. He was going to have bring the Showgirls VIP Limited Edition DVD box set into his house past his mother and since it comes in a pretty good sized box, it'd be near impossible to sneak in. Steve pondered whether to try and sneak it past or to try and impress his mother with what a good deal he found on the Showgirls VIP Limited Edition DVD box set. And I leave you with that. Hopefully Steve writes this story up also so that you, my loyal readers (i.e. Steve) can know what Steve did.

What would you do, Steve?

Tomorrow

I know Wilks talked about this subject a few weeks back but since my blog is better than his, I suppose I'll have to one up him once again.

Tomorrow is June 15th. It is a Wednesday. It is the day after Flag Day. It is also going to be the greatest day in the history of modern American cinema (and when I mean modern American cinema, I'm speaking of films released after June 14, 2005). Tomorrow is the premiere of Batman Begins and I, for one, am shit-my-pants excited. Seriously, I'm like school girl giddy over this movie. Batman is my Justin Timberlake.

I was watching TV with Kassandra last week and we were talking and then a commercial for the movie came on and everything stopped. I went into a trance and didn't come out of it until the commercial was over. That's how I hope I feel for the entire time I'm in the theater watching it tomorrow. Oh yes. I'm going to see it tomorrow. Opening day. I'd go tonight at 12:05am but I'd rather not watch the movie with a bunch of coked-up nerds (not that I know any nerds that do cocaine).

Bravo just had some stupid countdown of the 20 Best Superheroes, Supervillians, and Supervixens (whatever the hell that means) and they ranked Batman #3 on the Superheroes list! #3! I'm going on a stabbing spree. Seriously. They put Superman #2 and Spiderman #1.

This might have seemed like a pointless entry and you're probably thinking that I have too much time on my hands and you'd be right. Do you know what I've accomplished since graduating from college? I watched the first two discs of the three disc Newsradio Dvd set that came out. Well, at least I have Batman to look forward to.

The Killers at Lupo's

Last night, I went and saw the Killers and Louis XIV at Lupo's in Providence, a venue I generally like. It's like a cleaner Worcester Palladium. The tickets were face value like thirty dollars but my brother gave me one for twenty so it seemed like a deal. I should have known better. I don't think someone should pay thirty dollars to see a headlining band that only has one album to it's name. Granted, the Killers are pretty hot right now but if they played every song they know (which I think they might have) then they could only possibly play for an hour. If I'm paying thirty dollars for a band, I want at least an hour and half.

Apparently, on real nights (Thurs-Sat), Lupo's turns into a dance club called Diesel or something equally gay but since Monday isn't a club night, the show started at 9:15. We got there at 8:35. I wrote a while back about how I couldn't go to "punk" rock shows anymore because I ended up being older than everyone there. Well, I can't go to concerts where the band is played equally on WBCN and KISS 108 anymore either. Lupo's was filled last night, with the shittiest mix of "cool" kids that Providence had to offer. I was whipped in the face by more "cool" girls and their "cool" pony tails while they did their "cool" dances to the "cool" song that they heard on their "cool" radio station that their "cool" friends listen to while they drink "cool" wine coolers behind their "cool" parents' backs in their "cool" parents' basements. Without a doubt, I was one of probably seven people out of the 2,500 people there that would not be able to summarize last week's episode of the OC. I was under the impression that "hipsters" liked the Killers but it turns out that "hipsters" most likely hate the Killers because according to the audience at the show last night, people who like the Killers also like high school football, prom, sororities, Abercrombie and Fitch, beer pong, and working on the high school year book.

So with the environment set and established, the concert went like this. Louis XIV were the only support band. I can say with confidence that Louis XIV were one of the lamest bands I have ever seen. I can't say that I have ever experienced such displeasure while watching one band and I've seen Ludacris (Yes, Steve, even CocoRosie were better than Louis XIV). I guess it's cause I hate AC/DC and anytime a band comes out that sounds like AC/DC, I automatically hate them (with the exception of Jet, who I feel do AC/DC better than AC/DC). Louis XIV were also the laziest band I've ever seen. They stood around with their stupid leather jackets and their stupid mullets and their stupid guitars and played their stupid songs and then posed like stupid rock stars which they stupid didn't deserve to stupid do. I don't think you can justifiably be as cock swaggering cocky as Louis XIV were until you've reached levels of success comparable to the Rolling Stones. And I feel bad for all the "cool" kids that got suckered into their fake rock bullshit but then I don't feel bad because these are the same kids that shit their pants with excitement when they hear Def Leppard at a party.

So yeah. I hated this band and thier shitty derivative cockrock.

And Lupo's is the loudest venue I've ever been to. I saw Thrice/PoisonTheWell/Vaux at Lupo's and left as usual with ears ringing but usually the sound is clear. At Lupo's, it's never clear. It's just loud. So I went oldman style and bought ear plugs which is unfortunate because I should've bought a shotgun and shot myself before having to watch Louis XIV.

So. Louis XIV ends. Half hour set change, during which everybody decides they want to get as close to the stage as possible which is normal but what's not normal is that it's girls in half shirts and mini-skirts, holding mixed drinks, and wearing sandals. If you're 5'3'', you are not going to be able to see anything from the pit. Stand in the back like you're supposed to. They pulled a girl out of the front before the Killers came out who was passed out but nobody cared except for her boyfriend who ran after her backstage.

The Killers were about what you expect the Killers to be. They played most of the songs off their ONE album, played a new song, and played a couple of B-sides. They were done in an hour. The most interesting part was that they played "Somebody Told Me" really early and "Mr. Brightside" near the end of their initial set. The encore consisted of "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine" and "All These Things That I've Done." They were unspectacular yet not terrible. I left feeling neither satisfied/dissatisfied. I just left thinking, "Well, I can cross the Killers off the list of bands I need to see again."

But on the ride home, I started thinking about the best/worst concerts I've ever been too and decided that I'm going to post those lists by band instead of overall show. So... coming soon... two lists... the Best Sets I've seen... the Worst Sets I've seen.

Fart.

The film "Crash"

If you are planning on seeing the film Crash, which I recommend, make sure that you see the entire thing. If you get there and the film is already playing, turn around, and try again some other day. Me and the ladyfriend went to the 3:55 showing at Showcase Cinemas Randolph today. We stopped at CVS at approx 3:25. I bought a Coke and Reece' Pieces and she a Diet Coke and Rolo Bites (which are not very good and do not deserve any sort of recommendation). We arrived at the theater at 3:50, bought tickets at 3:53, and sat down at approx 3:58. By my estimation, if the film started at 3:55 (which we all know never happens because of commercials and trailers and movie jumbles and "fun" trivia), then we would have missed 3 minutes of the movie which must have been an action packed 3 minutes because as I walked in and Ludacris was doing something with some other guy at some car place thing, I sat for the rest of the movie going, "What the hell is going on?" I knew that the movie was 1 hour and 40 minutes long and I also knew that my mother had heard that it was "weird." So imagine my surprise when the movie ends at 5:05. We missed a good 20-30 minutes and in those 20-30 minutes, the entire movie is set up, characters established, and plots begun. We were given free passes and will go and finish/start the movie on Saturday.

On a sidenote: At a movie that deals with racially sensitive topics/issues, I found that I was powerless against asking the three Haitian women at the end of my row (and I only know that they were Haitian because I spent four years at Brockton High) to stop talking loudly throughout the portion of the movie that we saw. I can't think any more awkward time to absentmindedly reinforce racial stereotypes than when Matt Dillon is on the screen 20 feet away talking about "black people are awful this and spanish people are awful that."