Exclusive...

I'm about to drop the motherload of all exclusive bombs www.stephenwilkinson.net! You snooze, you lose, jerk! Just wait for it...

So I spent the week at the Registry of Motor Vehicles (and that's not hyperbole or whatever hyperbole is- I literally spent the week there), which sucks because it's the Registry and it's even worse when they call you up and say, "Hey! If you don't come down to the RMV today, you're going to be fired!" (You see what I did there? While you were looking up, I stabbed you in the gullet.)

My summer vacation is over. Apparently, I should have gone the route of all my other friends from home and either gone to grad school or not graduated on time. Either way, it's a life of work that I have to look forward to and I'm not particularly looking forward to it.

So Wednesday night, I'm bored but I don't want to do anything crazy because I have to get up at 7:30 to go to work which sucks. So I says to Steve, "Hey, Steve. Let's play baseball." And he's all like, "Cry cry boo hoo. I want to read comics. Drive me to the comic store, slave." It being Wednesday and new comic day, I accepted his proposal and drove him to Newbury Comics. But when I got to his house, Mini-Steve or Lil Wilkinson wanted to come but guess what? He was wearing socks and sandals! I'm not letting a guy wearing socks and sandals into my car! No fucking way!

So Lil Steve or Mini-Wilkinson goes and puts his face on and twenty mins later, we're off to Newbury Comics. When we get there, I pick up the two books I want and then we wander around aimlessly for an hour in the store. Lil Mini Steve Wilkinson decides to purchase the MC5's greatest hits, without ever hearing it because Rage Against the Machine likes the MC5. Then he starts telling me how System of a Down isn't nearly political enough and I think something popped in my brain because my nose started to bleed at what I decided was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. Really? System of a Down isn't political enough? For shame, Wilkinson, Steve, Mini-, Lil.

So there I stood with my two comics and a copy of Blender, and there Steve's brother stood with his copy of the MC5's greatest hits, but where did Steve stand? I know. Over in the corner, seriously debating about buying a used Showgirls VIP Limited Edition DVD Box Set. And who could blame him? For 20 dollars, he could all of the following, used:

• Six photo cards with party games
• Deck of Showgirls playing cards
• "Pin the Pasties on the Showgirl" game with pasties and blindfold
• Set of Showgirls shot glasses

And most importantly of all....

• THE MOVIE SHOWGIRLS ON DVD!!!

This, my friends, is a difficult decision. Sure, it's a great deal. All that stuff for 20 bucks. But on the other hand, if you buy it, you'll own Showgirls on Dvd. Decisions, decisions.

But he went ahead with it anyway and bought it. And after some less awkward than I had hoped for banter about missing nipple tassles with the clerk, we were off. Now, here's where my story ends. I dropped the Brothers Wilkinson off and Steve faced a dillemma. He was going to have bring the Showgirls VIP Limited Edition DVD box set into his house past his mother and since it comes in a pretty good sized box, it'd be near impossible to sneak in. Steve pondered whether to try and sneak it past or to try and impress his mother with what a good deal he found on the Showgirls VIP Limited Edition DVD box set. And I leave you with that. Hopefully Steve writes this story up also so that you, my loyal readers (i.e. Steve) can know what Steve did.

What would you do, Steve?