Welcome to the W.H., bitch
I am a pop culture whore. I read US Weekly, People, Star, the National Enquirer, and any other glossy publication that is published with the sole purpose and objective of exposing the eating habits of celebrities. Granted, I have to read all these magazines for work-related purposes but what's stopping me from enjoying my work a little? I am a pop culture whore.
That being said, I watch very little network television. Sure, I could rattle off mundane trivia about the stars of One Tree Hill or According to Jim (Little known fact about Jim Belushi: He's not the talented one in his family). I could list the members of the cast, tell you who they're dating, and if pressed, probably tell you whether they enjoy chocolate or vanilla cake. Mmm cake.
But I can't tell you the plots or themes expressed in these 30 minute farces or 60 minute tragedies because I watch very little network television. For instance, I have never seen The O.C. (That's not entirely true- I have seen it but me and SG making fun of Traub-e for seriously watching The O.C. doesn't really count). Even though I have no knowledge of The O.C. or the nuances of the characters, I can say, with a 99.9 % guarentee, that it would be a completely different show if it took place in my current residence, the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan. For starters, we'd probably have to change the name. The O and the C in The O.C. stand for Orange and County, respectively, and we're setting the show in Washington Heights so I think we would be perfectly justified in changing the title to The W.H. (the W standing in for Washington and the H for Heights).
So, change in title out of the way, now it's time for characters and situations. First of all, we can cut all that surfing that those O.C. kids seem to enjoy cause ain't nobody surfing in the Hudson River. The next thing to go is all the rich, white kids cause, well, this is The W.H., not The U.W.S. or The L.E.V. All the rich, white kids will be replaced by Spanish and African American youths, Spanish and African American old people, and a half dozen fresh from college white kids working low paying jobs who only moved to the W.H. to prove that the four years they spent earning a Communications degree from a $40,000 a year institution of higher learning wasn't just in vain. So, we've got a cast of characters and a location. Now all we need is a situation.
In the first episode, we meet all the college white kids. They all become the best of friends and go to trendy college parties at Columbia or NYU but at the end of the night, they all board the 1, 9, A, C, B, or D trains but mostly the 1 or the 9 cause they probably live off Broadway but then again they might take the A or the C cause they'll be done in the Village doing coke and taking E but then again again the B and the D are also equally reliable. Regardless, they get on a train and go home. And then at the end of each episode, the college white kids walk uncomfortably fast as they try to avoid any contact with the Spanish and African American youths and the Spanish and African America old people.
So let's break down this three act hour dramedy.
Act One (20 mins)- The kids from The W.H. do lots of drugs downtown.
Act Two (30 mins)- The kids from The W.H. try and figure out what train would be the most convient to transport them back to the W.H.
Act Three (10 mins)- The kids from the W.H. sprint walk back to their apartments, avoiding eye contact, and locking the 17 locks they installed on their door.
But most importantly, at the end of every episode, a different character will walk by a magical homeless guy asking for change. The homeless gentlement will press the character for change and when no change is given, the homeless fellow will mutter under his breath, "Welcome to the W.H., motherfucker." Of course, The W.H. would only play on network television so the fucker would be bleeped out but the audience would understand that the bleeped out word was fucker because the collective consciousness of America understands that fucker is the appropriate expletive to follow mother.
So there you have it. I think we might have a hit on our hands. I'm gonna send my treatment to the Writer's Guild toot sweet*
*toot sweet is French for immediately. Well, that's not how you spell toot sweet but whatever. It's my website. You can take your French and shove it, friend**
**We're not really friends.***
***Yes we are. ****
****No. We are not.
That being said, I watch very little network television. Sure, I could rattle off mundane trivia about the stars of One Tree Hill or According to Jim (Little known fact about Jim Belushi: He's not the talented one in his family). I could list the members of the cast, tell you who they're dating, and if pressed, probably tell you whether they enjoy chocolate or vanilla cake. Mmm cake.
But I can't tell you the plots or themes expressed in these 30 minute farces or 60 minute tragedies because I watch very little network television. For instance, I have never seen The O.C. (That's not entirely true- I have seen it but me and SG making fun of Traub-e for seriously watching The O.C. doesn't really count). Even though I have no knowledge of The O.C. or the nuances of the characters, I can say, with a 99.9 % guarentee, that it would be a completely different show if it took place in my current residence, the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan. For starters, we'd probably have to change the name. The O and the C in The O.C. stand for Orange and County, respectively, and we're setting the show in Washington Heights so I think we would be perfectly justified in changing the title to The W.H. (the W standing in for Washington and the H for Heights).
So, change in title out of the way, now it's time for characters and situations. First of all, we can cut all that surfing that those O.C. kids seem to enjoy cause ain't nobody surfing in the Hudson River. The next thing to go is all the rich, white kids cause, well, this is The W.H., not The U.W.S. or The L.E.V. All the rich, white kids will be replaced by Spanish and African American youths, Spanish and African American old people, and a half dozen fresh from college white kids working low paying jobs who only moved to the W.H. to prove that the four years they spent earning a Communications degree from a $40,000 a year institution of higher learning wasn't just in vain. So, we've got a cast of characters and a location. Now all we need is a situation.
In the first episode, we meet all the college white kids. They all become the best of friends and go to trendy college parties at Columbia or NYU but at the end of the night, they all board the 1, 9, A, C, B, or D trains but mostly the 1 or the 9 cause they probably live off Broadway but then again they might take the A or the C cause they'll be done in the Village doing coke and taking E but then again again the B and the D are also equally reliable. Regardless, they get on a train and go home. And then at the end of each episode, the college white kids walk uncomfortably fast as they try to avoid any contact with the Spanish and African American youths and the Spanish and African America old people.
So let's break down this three act hour dramedy.
Act One (20 mins)- The kids from The W.H. do lots of drugs downtown.
Act Two (30 mins)- The kids from The W.H. try and figure out what train would be the most convient to transport them back to the W.H.
Act Three (10 mins)- The kids from the W.H. sprint walk back to their apartments, avoiding eye contact, and locking the 17 locks they installed on their door.
But most importantly, at the end of every episode, a different character will walk by a magical homeless guy asking for change. The homeless gentlement will press the character for change and when no change is given, the homeless fellow will mutter under his breath, "Welcome to the W.H., motherfucker." Of course, The W.H. would only play on network television so the fucker would be bleeped out but the audience would understand that the bleeped out word was fucker because the collective consciousness of America understands that fucker is the appropriate expletive to follow mother.
So there you have it. I think we might have a hit on our hands. I'm gonna send my treatment to the Writer's Guild toot sweet*
*toot sweet is French for immediately. Well, that's not how you spell toot sweet but whatever. It's my website. You can take your French and shove it, friend**
**We're not really friends.***
***Yes we are. ****
****No. We are not.
5 Comments:
I can't help but notice the almost complete and total lack of commentation on your blogger here, or even someone being clever and commenting on the lack of commentation.
It's now been almost an entire month in estrogen-laden land, so far I am surviving well. I've been taking extra shots of testosterone to counteract the negative effects of estrogen, either inhaled or ingested. One of the lesser known properties of estrogen is that it actually permeates nonporous substances, like metal, and also inundates food and drink. This causes unwitting members of an estrogen environment to take in far more than they should. Causing side effects like...an increased sensitivity to people, better personal hygiene, loud fits of random noise when new people walk in, and of course, a new appreciation for "Sex and the City."
The latter not being entirely the fault of a person such as I, because I have been trying valiantly to watch "Stargate SG-1," but so far there is a 2-1 ratio on the votes, and I have been trounced repeatedly. I do retain command and control of the remotes and most of the electrical systems, so their support structure for their estrogen fests require my expertise.
I have decided to begin physical training. I feel I need to advance myself physically in order to counteract naturally the effects of estrogen. My breasts have increased by 46%, and most of my body and facial hair has fallen out. Despite my continued efforts and liberally applied makeup and spray on hair...this condition persists.
Send help.
This site is okay, but http://www.stephenwilkinson.net has 10 reasons the Red Sox will win the series this year! Yay!
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I would like to hire you to do your act while landscaping my yard, some heavy lifting involved.
Let me know
Sincerely,
Your friend and mine,
Benjamin Kennard
DAS DAVD (throwback)
its good to know that after all these years, you still all want to go down on AVD. DAS DAVD indeed my friends.
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